The Woman Who is Always Tan-Lisa Perry, Lauren Allison

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The Woman Who Is Always Tan


1. The Perfect Brownie Leader Who Uses Global Positioning Satellites on the Camping Trip to E-mail Photos to the Parents

2. The Nutrition Mom Who Needs to Be Resuscitated After Finding Out You Feed Her Child a Hot Dog

3. The Husband Who Takes It Personally When Someone Steals His Luggage and Then Returns It Without Taking Anything

4. The Mom Who Made a Scrapbook So Large She Could Only Get It Downstairs by Hiring Professional Piano Movers

5. The Woman Who Can Plant 145 Petunias Without Referring to Them as "Those Little Bastards" by the Time She is Finished

6. The Husband Who Doesn't Ever Want to Open the Refrigerator Door Because that Would Be Wasting Energy

7. The Couple Who Write the Holiday Letter Telling You How Their Little Timmy Came Up with an Alternative to Fossil Fuels

8. The Husband Who Buys a New Video Camera and Now Believes He's Martin Scorsese

9. The Conspiracy Among Men to Be Annoying Just Before You Have Company

10. The Mom Who Corrects the Grammar of the Policeman Who Pulled Her Over for Speeding

11. The Woman Who Decorates Her Yard for Columbus Day Using Replicas of the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria

12. The Wife Who Actually Knows How to Operate Her Victoria's Secret Lingerie

13. The Husband Who Believes You Can't Paint Over Wood

14. The Woman Who Cleans Out Her Refrigerator Every Thursday Whether It Smells or Not

15. The Mom Who Breaks Down and Confesses, "It's Just Like Drugs, But It's Yarn"

16. The Infomercial Couple Who Start Every Sentence with "But Wait! There's More!"

17. The Woman With the Perfect Driving Record

18. The Woman Who Has Her Christmas Cards, Shopping, and Decorating Done Before Thanksgiving

19. The Husband Who Either Asks for Inane Instructions or Else Gives Inane Instructions

20. The Culinary Mom Who Brings Crab Aspic with Red Pepper Coulis to Her Child's School for Snack

21. The Husband Who Has a Cold but Believes It's Malaria

22. The Mom Who Throws a Cinderella Birthday Party for Her Daughter by Installing a Drawbridge to the Front Door and Digging a Moat Around the House

23. The Craft Mom Who Sends You an Exquisitely Handmade Thank-You Note for the Baby Gift You Sent to Her Fourth Child

24. The Perfect Grocery Store Mom Who Always Goes Through the Check-Out Lane Quickly

25. The Wife Who Finds Something Wrong with the Way Her Husband Saved the Life of the Man Choking at the Table Next to Them

26. The Woman Who Has Dinner Completed Every Day by Ten a.m.

27. The Husband Who Spends Thirty Minutes Taking a Picture of Jasmine at Disney World

28. The Woman Who Receives Martha Stewart's E-mail "Thought for the Day" and is Too Scared to Delete It

29. The Babysitter Who is Better at Everything than You Are

30. The Husband Who Doesn't Notice When His Wife Redecorates the Living and Dining Rooms

31. The Perfect Feng Shui Woman Who Has a Bagua Map and Knows How to Use It

32. The Woman With the Angelina Jolie Lips

33. The Designer Uncle Who Insists on a Biedermeier Master Bedroom for Caroline's Barbie House

34. The Athletic Mom Who is Lifting Weights Every Day at Ten a.m. While I Am Gaining Weight Every Day at Ten a.m.

35. The Perfect Halloween Mom Who Carves 43 Pumpkins in the Image of the U.S. Presidents

36. The Wine Connoisseur Woman Whose Wine Rests More than I Do

37. The Woman Who Puts All Her Photographs into an Album the Same Day She Gets Them Back

38. The Husband Who Asks You Every Day, "Can You Call Someone About That?"

39. The Woman Who Goes Twice a Week to the Elitist Car Wash

40. The Woman Who Knows the Difference Between "High Tea" and "Low Tea"

41. The Perfect Stage Mom Who Wants the Kindergarten Class to Perform The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant

42. The Woman Who Loses Weight Without Hanging Out at the Center for Infectious Disease Control

43. The Perfect Soccer Mom Who Knows All the International Rules of Soccer

44. The Woman Who Never Loses Her Luggage When She Travels

45. The Woman with the Easily Assembled, Beautifully Lit Christmas Tree

46. The Woman Who Has A Better Way to Do Everything (Like Make Jell-O) and Wants You to Know It

47. The Woman Who Has Mirrors Installed All Over Her House So She Can Enjoy the Results of Her Plastic Surgery

48. The Woman Who Took First Place at the International Napkin-Folding Contest

49. The Woman Who Is Happy All The Time and Uses the Word "Golly" Whenever She Can

50. The Woman Who Is Always Tan and Has a Flat Stomach

Grand Central Publishing

© 2005-2008 Lisa Perry and Lauren Allison. All rights reserved.

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